i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
