if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
