laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
