Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
