Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
