you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
