Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
