Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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