Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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