Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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