you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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