i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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