Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
