It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
