I will die if light touches me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
