I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
