Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
