I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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