My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
