ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
