Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
