he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
