the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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