fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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