Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
