At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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