woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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