I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
