If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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