I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
