if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
