I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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