Well douche your snatch and let's go!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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