Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
