Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
