i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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