I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
