I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
