She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
