i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
