if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
