he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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