Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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