So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
