he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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