i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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