I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
