The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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