You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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