He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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