he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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